Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'm On The Highway to (Cupcake) Hell

1. After your coworker asks if you want to go in on a birthday gift for your boss respond by saying that you'll bake something for him instead. Apparently this coworker hasn't seen the "a bit about me" section on your blog redesign. Hello! Cupcake-maker!

2. Your husband suggests you keep it simple and pick up a box of chocolate cake mix. You say no way! -- you're going to make a recipe from your new fancy-pants cupcake cookbook. Ooooh so pretty!

3. Choose the gluten-free recipe "Chocolate Cream Cheese Cupcakes" -- not because it's gluten-free but because you hear your boss likes chocolate and this combines cream cheese with chocolate. YUM.  A no-brainer. Although the recipe calls for 1/3 of a cup of potato flour, figure that you can easily substitute a 1/3 of a cup of regular flour. No sense in buying a whole bag of this weird potato stuff. I mean, flour is flour, right?!

3. On the way home from dinner stop at the grocery store for unsalted butter and cream cheese, exclaiming -- "Isn't it awesome we already have all of the other ingredients?!" You are so proud of yourself already. You are a genius. Everyone is going to be so impressed with your cupcake skills.

4. Start making the cupcakes but stop two ingredients in after you realize that you do not in fact have all of the ingredients. Oops. You remember you threw out the flour after you made banana nut cake three weeks ago.

5. After telling your husband the bad news, he will ask if there's anything else you could make instead. Anything to avoid going back to the grocery store! You answer, no. There's a Duncan Hines red velvet box mix in the cupboard but you don't want to make it because your boss' favorite is chocolate and red velvet just doesn't seem chocolate-y enough. Besides, your heart is already set on Chocolate Cream Cheese Cupcakes -- from scratch! From the fancy-pants cookbook! Drag your sweet husband back to the store at 10:30 p.m.

5. Although you spy potato flour on the baking isle, do not pick this up. Bring home regular flour.

6. Start the recipe again at 10:50 p.m. Yawn! After mixing all of the batter, start scoping it into the cupcake pan. Why does this recipe make such a small amount of batter?! Strange. Scoop what you believe to be a normal amount of batter into each of the cupcake cubbies, resulting in just six of the 12 cubbies containing batter. Rather than taking some of the batter out so each of the 12 cubbies have an equal amount of batter, come up with the brilliant plan to make a whole other batch of cupcakes -- putting double the amount of batter in each cubbie. Obviously there's something wrong with this recipe. Why would there only be such a small amount of batter?! That makes absolutely no sense. A second batch of cupcakes it is.

7. While the cupcakes are baking, start making the frosting. Realize that by making a second batch of cupcakes you used up all of the vanilla. Oops again. Because it's out of the question to go back to the store a third time, proceed on without the vanilla. Dang it. Vanilla, I will sincerely miss you.

8. DING! The cupcakes are done! Or are they? Wonder how they're going to look with double the amount of batter per cupcake. And was it really OK to substitute all-purpose flour for potato flour?

Ummmmm yeah. No. It was *not* OK to substitute all-purpose flour.
And no -- it was not a brilliant idea to put double the amount of batter in each cupcake cubbie.
It is midnight. I still need to make cupcakes for tomorrow morning. Cupcake Heaven?! I am in Cupcake Hell.

9. Briefly contemplate filling the sunken-in cupcakes with frosting before deciding that the only option is Duncan Hines Red Velvet mix to the rescue!

10. That's more like it.

p.s. According to The Cook's Thesaurus blog at, you can substitute 5/8 cup potato flour for 1 cup all-purpose flour. Because it's 1 a.m. and I just made three batches of cupcakes, I can't really do the math right now -- but basically it means I messed up and 1/3 cup of all-purpose flour does *not* equal 1/3 cup of potato flour. Without doing fractions I can tell you that I should have added more flour. So now you guys know! Don't let me catch you making the same mistake! And don't double the amount of batter in each cupcake cubbie if you think it looks wrong. The fancy-pants cookbook will beat you. I mean, unless you feel like making three batches of cupcakes and throwing two batches in the trash. Maybe that's your thing. I dunno.

p.p.s. Note to self -- buy vanilla.


Johnny said...

That was the funniest thing I ever read. Not as funny to live through, but funny to read the morning after!! :D You're such a trooper babe!

sarah marie p said...

Awww, I think *you* are the trooper! Thanks for going to the grocery store with me twice last night! And cleaning up after my disaster! <3

.jimaie.marie. said...

aaaaaaahahhaah!! OH NOES!!! And you had even asked me if I thought it was ok and I totally thought it would be! Why didn't we google?! Who the heck knew!
And now your secret is out! LOL! And now you have LOTS of cupcakes! gimmeeeeee. How did the ugly ones taste? gross?
I love how you wrote this, it made me laugh. So thanks for that ;)

Hillary said...

Oh lady, that is no fun at all. But hey, cupcakes are cupcakes whether they come from a box or from scratch!

alyssa said...

This was hilarious! I have actually had mucho experience having to buy various kinds of flours for different things, you shoulda asked me - LOL!!! And now, I want a cupcake. I'll take a red velvet, please :)

Steph said...

THIS is the kind of baking I can relate to! Did the chocolate ones taste weird? You could have totally played them off as a filled cupcake or something with the sunken in center :)

Sarah said...

oh my gosh this was funny, but then not funny because I realize you actually had to go through all of this! ugh. But hey, yay for the red velvets!